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A collection of quotes from Agatha Harkness's ally and familiar, Billy Kaplan.
Agatha All Along[]
Episode 1.01: Seekest Thou the Road[]
Spoken by Billy Kaplan[]
- "Agatha... the covenless witch. What really happened to you?"
- ―Billy Kaplan to Agatha Harkness[src]
Spoken about Billy Kaplan[]
- "Oh. So that arrest was maybe more of a kidnapping."
- ―Agatha Harkness[src]
Dialogue[]
- "Where were you last night between the hours of one and three AM?"
"Asleep. In bed."
"Asleep in bed." - ―Agnes O'Connor and Teen[src]
Episode 1.02: Circle Sewn With Fate / Unlock Thy Hidden Gate[]
Spoken by Billy Kaplan[]
- "Take me to the Witches' Road!"
- ―Teen to Agatha Harkness[src]
- "Power is what I'm missing. Sounds like it's what you're missing, too."
- ―Teen to Agatha Harkness[src]
- "I personally would not consider superficial burns injury, but apparently, some people needed skin grafts. It might be, like, five years in prison. But 800 counts of it? Starts to get a little life-y!"
- ―Teen to Jennifer Kale[src]
- "Agatha! Is this it? Is this the Road, because we should really, really go, like, right now!"
- ―Teen to Agatha Harkness[src]
Spoken about Billy Kaplan[]
- "This is my boy, Beauford. Oh, he doesn't talk much. He's got social anxiety."
- ―Agatha Harkness to Lilia Calderu[src]
- "I'm Agatha Harkness, this is my familiar, Toto."
- ―Agatha Harkness to Alice Wu-Gulliver[src]
Dialogue[]
- "The Witches' Road doesn't exist."
"You're lying."
"Am I?"
"That's just what real witches say to keep the amateurs out. The Road will give you the thing you want the most, if you make it to the end." - ―Agatha Harkness and Teen[src]
- "Who are you?"
"My name is—."
"Say again."
"I'm—."
"Interesting." - ―Agatha Harkness and Teen[src]
- "The Road is no place for a kid."
"I'm 16!"
"Oh, sorry. Teen." - ―Agatha Harkness and Teen[src]
- "Confession, I know an egregious amount about you. I've been obsessed since I first read up on your Salem days. One of my favorite you eras."
"That's a good one."
"That's why I saved you from the spell you were under. No, it was— it was my pleasure." - ―Billy Kaplan and Agatha Harkness[src]
- "What do you know about covens?"
"Ah, um... oh my god, are you taking me to meet your coven?"
"Ugh, no, those harpies are dust." - ―Agatha Harkness and Teen[src]
- "Oh, please. Name a badder bitch in South America. Or Europe."
"Who is this child?"
"I'm—"
"My pet. This is my pet. Say hi, pet." - ―Teen, Lilia Calderu, and Agatha Harkness[src]
- "I bid on a limited edition signed LP of the Ballad, but it cost more than I make in a whole summer at the Hokey Pokey Bowl."
"I don't wanna ever hear those words paired together again." - ―Teen and Agatha Harkness[src]
- "A blood witch is...?"
"Child of a witch." - ―Teen and Agatha Harkness[src]
- "Rumor has it Lorna Wu was lost to the Witches' Road."
"What?"
"I know, ironic."
"More like iconic."
"No." - ―Agatha Harkness and Teen[src]
- "The Road isn't real. You groupies don't get it. It's just a stupid song."
"Uh, 40,000,000 copies worldwide beg to differ." - ―Alice Wu-Gulliver and Teen[src]
- "The Road is real; Agatha's been there!"
"I'm back!"
"The Road is a myth." - ―Teen, Agatha Harkness, and Alice Wu-Gulliver[src]
- "Hm, she's a tough nut to smash."
"Crack." - ―Agatha Harkness and Teen[src]
- "Should I get car? Some people might need to squeeze in the back."
"You don't drive to the Road, Teen. Let us just do our thing, OK? Just, close some windows while you're at it, 'cuz it feels a little drafty."
"OK, but you'll let me know when—"
"Yep, yep, I'll— scoot. Scoot!" - ―Teen and Agatha Harkness[src]
Unorganized[]
Dialogue[]
- "Why do you let them believe those things about you?"
"Because the truth is too awful." - ―Billy Kaplan and Agatha Harkness[src]