A collection of quotes from Agatha Harkness.
WandaVision[]
Episode 1.01: Filmed Before a Live Studio Audience[]
Spoken by Agatha Harkness[]
- "Hello, dear. I'm Agnes, your neighbor to the right. My right, not yours. Forgive me for not stopping by sooner to welcome you to the block. My mother-in-law was in town, so I wasn't."
- ―Agatha Harkness to Wanda Maximoff[src]
- "A young thing like you doesn't have to do much, but it's still fun to set the scene. Say, I was just reading a crackerjack magazine article called "How To Treat Your Husband To Keep Your Husband," and let me tell you, what Ralph could really use is, "How To Goose Your Wife So You Don't Lose Your Wife." Hang on. I'll go grab it and we can start planning. Oh, this is gonna be a gas!"
- ―Agatha Harkness to Wanda Maximoff[src]
- "Many hands make light work. And many mouths make good gossip."
- ―Agatha Harkness to Wanda Maximoff[src]
Dialogue[]
- "So, what's a single gal like you doing rattling around this big house?"
"Oh, no, I'm not single."
"Oh, I don't see a ring."
"Well, I assure you I'm married. To a man. A human one and tall." - ―Agatha Harkness and Wanda Maximoff[src]
- "What about seduction techniques?"
"Oh, I have those."
"Of course, you do."
"Just out of curiosity, what does it say?"
"That you should stumble when you walk into a room so he can catch you. It's romantic."
"Any other tricks?"
"You could point out that the death rate of single men is twice that of married men."
"Now, that's romantic." - ―Agatha Harkness and Wanda Maximoff[src]
- "Oh, Agnes! You're a life-saver!"
"What kind of housewife would I be if I didn't have a gourmet meal for four just lying about the place?" - ―Wanda Maximoff and Agatha Harkness[src]
Episode 1.02: Don't Touch That Dial[]
Spoken by Agatha Harkness[]
- "Look, it's the star of the show!"
- ―Agatha Harkness to Wanda Maximoff[src]
- "Señor Scratchy just loves the stage. He played baby Jesus in last year's Christmas pageant."
- ―Agatha Harkness to Wanda Maximoff[src]
- "Really, how is anybody doing this sober?"
- ―Agatha Harkness[src]
Dialogue[]
- "So, are you ready to meet Queen Cul de Sac and her Merry Homemakers?"
"Agnes, Dottie can't be as bad as you say."
"Hmm, well, you'll notice her roses bloom under penalty of death." - ―Agatha Harkness and Wanda Maximoff[src]
- "Wanda, can I give you a bit of friendly advice?"
"Is it about the way I'm dressed?"
"Yes, but it's too late for that. Dottie is the key to everything in this town. Country club memberships, parties, school admissions..."
"Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves."
"You get in with Dottie and it'll be smooth sailing from here on out. Just mind your P's and Q's and you're gonna do just fine." - ―Agatha Harkness and Wanda Maximoff[src]
Episode 1.03: Now in Color[]
Spoken by Agatha Harkness[]
- "Well, I better get going. That macramé's not gonna hitch itself."
- ―Agatha Harkness[src]
Dialogue[]
Episode 1.05: On a Very Special Episode...[]
Spoken by Agatha Harkness[]
- "Fussy babies, meet buns of steel. We dare you to stay awake."
- ―Agatha Harkness[src]
- "Lavender. It's supposed to have a calming effect. Ralph sprays it on me every night. But there's no taming this tiger."
- ―Agatha Harkness[src]
- "Kids. You can't control 'em. No matter how hard you try."
- ―Agatha Harkness[src]
Spoken about Agatha Harkness[]
- "Agnes was right there!"
"Well, she didn't notice. She didn't even notice when the boys went from babies to five-year-olds." - ―Vision and Wanda Maximoff[src]
Dialogue[]
"I'm sorry?"
"You want me to hold the babies. Should we just take it from the top?"
"...What?"
"Oh, don't be silly. Vision, let's... Let's let Agnes give it a try."
"What?"
"Not for me. For the twins. What kind of babysitter do you think I am?"
- "I didn't wanna come until I'd wrapped him up."
"What happened to him?"
"Found him in my azalea bushes. Don't know how many leaves he ate. I didn't find him until it was too late. Oh... Tommy, Billy, I'm so sorry." - ―Agatha Harkness and Wanda Maximoff[src]
Episode 1.06: All-New Halloween Spooktacular![]
Dialogue[]
Episode 1.07: Breaking the Fourth Wall[]
Spoken by Agatha Harkness[]
- "But I think I got there in the nick of time 'cause she was one split end away from cutting her own bangs."
- ―Agatha Harkness[src]
- "Wanda, Wanda. You didn't think you were the only magical girl in town, did you? The name's Agatha Harkness. Lovely to finally meet you, dear."
- ―Agatha Harkness[src]
Dialogue[]
- "Hey, boys, why don't we give your mom some "me time"?"
"Agnes, are you sure?"
"Oh, abso-positively. Come on, let's go, guys." - ―Agatha Harkness and Wanda Maximoff[src]
- "I like it here."
"Oh, good. Is it because Señor Scratchy is such a good listener?"
"No. It's because it's quiet. You're quiet, Agnes. On the inside." - ―Billy Maximoff and Agatha Harkness[src]
- "Do you think our mom is okay?"
"Oh, for sure! Oh, you don't have to worry about your mom. Your mom can do anything. She's supermom." - ―Tommy Maximoff and Agatha Harkness[src]
- "Young lady, I think you overstayed your welcome. Poor Wanda's been through enough."
"This doesn't concern you. Wanda..."
"Run along, dear." - ―Agatha Harkness and Monica Rambeau[src]
Episode 1.08: Previously On[]
Spoken by Agatha Harkness[]
- "That’s adorable. My thoughts are not available to you, toots. They never, ever were. So don’t go givin’ yourself a migraine."
- ―Agatha Harkness to Wanda Maximoff[src]
- "These are runes, Wanda. In a given space, only the witch that cast the runes can use her magic. How do you not know the fundamentals?"
- ―Agatha Harkness to Wanda Maximoff[src]
- "I tried to be gentle, to nudge you awake from this ridiculous fantasy, but you would rather fall apart than face your truth. You left me no choice. What was it you said to your not-brother? Hmm? All you could recall was the feeling. You felt empty. Alone. Endless nothingness. Let’s start there."
- ―Agatha Harkness to Wanda Maximoff[src]
- "So, little orphan Wanda got up close and personal with an Infinity Stone that amplified what, otherwise, would’ve died on the vine. The broken pieces of you are adding up, buttercup. I have a theory, but I need more."
- ―Agatha Harkness to Wanda Maximoff[src]
Dialogue[]
- "Agatha Harkness. Are you a witch?"
"Yes! I am a witch!"
"Yet you have betrayed your coven."
"I have not!"
"You stole knowledge above your age and station. You practice the darkest of magic."
"I know... I know nothing of these crimes! I... I swear it!"
"Enough deception!"
"I did not break your rules. They simply bent to my power." - ―Evanora Harkness and Agatha Harkness[src]
- "I was so patient, waiting for you to reveal your true self. I got close with fake Pietro. Fietro, if you will, but no dice."
"That was you."
"No, it wasn’t literally me. Just my eyes and ears. A crystalline possession. Necromancy was a non-starter since your real brother’s body is on another continent. Not to mention, full of holes." - ―Agatha Harkness and Wanda Maximoff[src]
- "So, what I see here is a baby witch, obsessed with sitcoms and years of therapy ahead of her. Doesn’t explain your recent hijinks. Where’d you get the big guns, Wanda?"
"I don’t wanna go back there."
"I know you don’t, but it’s good medicine, angel. The only way forward is back." - ―Agatha Harkness and Wanda Maximoff[src]
- "Ah, Wanda. The rebellious years. Quick question, your reaction to the bombing of your civilian apartment building and the murder of your parents was to join an anti-freedom terrorist organization."
"We wanted to change the world." - ―Agatha Harkness and Wanda Maximoff[src]
- "You have no idea how dangerous you are. You're supposed to be a myth. A being capable of spontaneous creation, and here you are, using it to make breakfast for dinner."
"Let go of my children."
"Oh, yes, your children. And Vision, and this whole little life you've made, this is Chaos Magic, Wanda. And that makes you the Scarlet Witch." - ―Agatha Harkness and Wanda Maximoff[src]
Episode 1.09: The Series Finale[]
Spoken by Agatha Harkness[]
- "I take power from the undeserving. It's kinda my thing. You're clearly in over your little red head. So, why don't you surrender your magic to someone who knows what to do with it? And I'll let you keep this pathetic little corner of the world all to yourself."
- ―Agatha Harkness[src]
- "Oh, this is awkward. Your ex and your boyfriend together at the same party. Who are you gonna choose, Wanda?"
- ―Agatha Harkness to Wanda Maximoff[src]
- "Wanda, you've never been up against another witch before. Did you know there's an entire chapter devoted to you in the Darkhold? That's the book of the damned."
- ―Agatha Harkness to Wanda Maximoff[src]
- "Same story, different century. There'll always be torches and pitchforks for ladies like us, Wanda."
- ―Agatha Harkness to Wanda Maximoff[src]
- "Give me your power and I will correct the flaws in your original spell. And you and your family, and the people of Westview can all live together in peace. And no one will ever have to feel this pain again. Not even you."
- ―Agatha Harkness to Wanda Maximoff[src]
Dialogue[]
- "My powers work out here, or did you forget?"
"No, dear. I'm counting on it." - ―Wanda Maximoff and Agatha Harkness[src]
- "I'm not a witch. I don't cast spells. No one taught me magic!"
"Your power exceeds that of the Sorcerer Supreme. It's your destiny to destroy the world."
"I'm not what you say I am." - ―Wanda Maximoff and Agatha Harkness[src]
- "Good girl. So, what now? You just gonna lock me up somewhere?"
"No. Not somewhere. Here." - ―Agatha Harkness and Wanda Maximoff[src]
- "You have no idea what you've unleashed. You're gonna need me."
"If I do, I know where to find you." - ―Agatha Harkness and Wanda Maximoff[src]
Agatha All Along[]
Episode 1.02: Circle Sewn With Fate / Unlock Thy Hidden Gate[]
Spoken by Agatha Harkness[]
- "I'm assembling a coven."
- ―Agatha Harkness[src]
- "Just blast me, you bitches!"
- ―Agatha Harkness[src]
Dialogue[]
- "Witches like you are the reason people think we poison apples and eat babies."
"Babies are delicious." - ―Lilia Calderu and Agatha Harkness[src]
Episode 1.03: Through Many Miles / Of Tricks and Trials[]
Spoken by Agatha Harkness[]
Episode 1.03: If I Can't Reach You / Let My Song Teach You[]
Spoken by Agatha Harkness[]
- "I just need these witches to get me to the end."
- ―Agatha Harkness[src]
Episode 1.08: Follow Me My Friend / To Glory at the End[]
Spoken by Agatha Harkness[]
- "Time to finish the road."
- ―Agatha Harkness[src]
Dialogue[]
Episode 1.09: Maiden Mother Crone[]
Dialogue[]
- "I'm a murderer. Alice."
"Well, I killed Alice."
"Lilia, in the tower."
"That was her choice."
"Mrs. Davis!"
"Who?" - ―Billy Maximoff and Agatha Harkness[src]